The essential message from the poem which stuck to Gorrman’s idea was this concept that emotion is more moving than intellect. Anyone who has fallen in love or has had a crush understand this idea. When it’s combined with someone coming to terms with their own body’s fragility and the potential harm they might do themselves it creates a dire situation in which perhaps clinging to one’s emotions may be the only sane way to cope, though it likely won’t be easy. In “since feeling is first”, Gwen (the main character) has always been emotionally distant with her friends and family, choosing instead to invest her time and energy on her promising swimming career. When she learns that her body has been stricken with a rare and debilitating disease that will rob her of physical feeling, Gwen finds herself finally having to face the emotions that she has repressed for so long. She reaches out to Adam, the one who got away, and has one last physical experience with him, before allowing herself an emotionally open future with him. Gwen has always taken pride in being a physically and emotionally strong person but in these circumstances it will be the strength that comes from being vulnerable that is her only potential gain. The very idea itself is chilling to anyone. Considering that you might lose the ability to sense your limbs, to not sense pain when sometimes pain is what saves your life is an idea almost no one stops to consider. When Gwen is told that this will be her world within a matter of weeks it feels to her that it is essentially a death sentence. What can she do to help herself and will she do it understanding what her future looks like? The two loves of her life are Adam and the water. Will she be able to find a way to live with them and still feel them in some way?
While some viewers might categorize this film as a drama, its writer sees it as a Coming of Age film. While Gwen is forced to face the physical challenges that have emerged, she is long overdue for dealing with relationship issues the way most do in their teens. Beyond the struggle and pain we see Gwen dealing with, the core of this film is a romance. As the benefits of physical love may exit Gwen’s life she is afforded the opportunity to regain the emotional component. Lee was very connected to the character of Gwen and explains, “I wanted to challenge myself as a writer and as a director. Could I write from a POV that wasn’t my own? I didn’t want to take the easy way out. I wanted to grow as a writer and filmmaker. I felt strongly that presenting the film from the perspective of a woman and her feelings in dealing with this challenging situation would make me work hard…which is exactly what I wanted.
Was I successful? I think so. Many of the people who were above the line on the film were women and I think having their insights on set also helped me find the right voice.”
Kathleen Hepburn (cinematographer of “Since Feeling is First) declares that she felt very connected to the perspective of Gwen and the film, stating, “I remember being struck at the time by his empathic abilities both on the page and as a director, which is one of the reasons I felt compelled to work with him. His dialogue was rich and honest, and his story was heartfelt and very human. And I’m so glad we had the opportunity, because it was a wonderful experience. Aside from being a talented writer, he is one of the most kind and generous people I know. These qualities which allowed him to create flawed, emotionally rich and complex characters without judgement. I find myself in awe of his rare ability to create complex alternate realities that maintain a groundedness that allow them to feel, while far from our present reality, still perfectly natural. He has always been extremely driven in his work and his life and has never shied away from a challenge, which I think is such an important quality in a writer, and what has pushed him to where he is today.”
When considering what Gorrman has done with this film, it’s astounding. In order to present a romantic film that is produced from the soil of tragedy and yet still finds a way to stir the human spirit, he researched a little publicized medical ailment and presented it in the perspective of the opposite gender. It almost sounds like a form of self-emotional torture, and yet Lee did this simply as a means of empathizing and challenging himself. The arts spur and inspire society to be aware and to feel for each other. In “since feeling is first” Gorrman has created a character who attempts to do this for herself, so that in witnessing we might gain her wisdom without the necessity of facing her circumstances.